


Start Anew

by wuyanwutu



Series: Past & New [2]
Category: Glee
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-24
Updated: 2015-04-23
Packaged: 2018-03-25 12:00:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3809602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wuyanwutu/pseuds/wuyanwutu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to Unspoken version I. After three years, Quinn finally found the courage to face Rachel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“You there, Gone Girl?”

Quinn half-heartily picked up the buzzed phone, eyes still on the reading material. The name on the screen raised her infamous right eyebrow. 

“Yes, Satan. To what I owe the honor of your attention?” 

“English lit does you no good, you know, blonde! Talk like a normal person, will ya?”

The blonde girl sighed, “What’s up, San? I don’t suppose you are texting me for the first time in the last couple of months just to insult my major?”

“Did no such thing. Anyway, big news. Apparently Sue finally succeeded in replacing Figgins and is now the principal. Her first decision was to ban the glee club. Mr. Schue asked if any of us want to go back and say goodbye. Since I’m the only one that has your number, thought you should know, even though you might not care at all. Hell, I don’t even care that much. ”

Quinn bit her lip. Santana was correct, she didn’t care. Or at least that was what she thought. After almost three years, all those memories faded away, replaced with newer, happier ones. Much happier, most of the time.

“But you are still going?”

“Well, it’s spring break.”

“You sure it has nothing to do with Britt?”

“Fine…Britt asked me to go back and see her. We might not be together anymore but she is still my best friend.”

“You don’t have to explain to me. Just be sure it won’t complicate things again. I don’t want to share my single bed with you for two days ever again!”

“Like I want to be squashed by your fat ass ever again! It’s been a year. Britt and I are good. Everything is good.” 

“Good to hear.” Her fingers hesitated for a moment, then typed, “Who else is also going, do you know?”

“Well, from what I heard from Britt, so far everyone still in Lima is going, as well as Klaine. Finnocent could not get permission from the military so no go as well.”

A few seconds later, another text came, “Annnd, Streisand, who you really wanted to ask about, is also gonna go back.”

Quinn released the breath she didn’t realize holding and could almost imagine the Gotcha smirk Santana was wearing. Denying, “I don’t know what you are talking about.”

“Oh come on! You are already out of closet. What is to deny? I mean those heart eyes you wore back then, or those long-winded questions about her. I AM NOT BLIND!”

“I don’t know what you want me to say.” 

“Say that you liked her, A LOT.”

“It’s complicated…” That was the truth. For Quinn, Rachel was like those tangled threads that she never knew where to start to unravel.

“Then un-complicate it! Didn’t Lori break things with because of your unresolved? Streisand is your unresolved past. Resolve it and move the fucking on! It’s been ages!”

“I told you, that’s just her excuse to relieve the guilt of not even trying for a long-distance relationship.”

“But that doesn’t make her accusation any less true. You are haunted by the past, in the figure of a 5’2” midget. Take this chance, talk to her, apologize to her, kiss her, or even punch her. Just let go of this baggage and be happy!”

“I am happy!”

“If you play dumb with once more, I swear to god, I would fly in to kick your fat ass!”

Quinn sighed again. If she was being brutally honest to herself, she didn’t think Santana’s suggestion was not completely insane.

“Well?”

“I’ll think about it.”

“You lame ass!”

“I said I will think about it. Don’t push it, San.”

“Fine…Don’t think you are off the hook yet, though, Q!”

**---------------------------------------------------------------**

To prove her point, Santana sent Quinn several texts over the following week, harassing for an answer or things Quinn didn’t ask for such as Puck’s big plan for the party, or Rachel’s number…In this week, Quinn lived her life the way she did for the past three years, passionate about her learning, caring for her friends, carrying confident postures. But she occasionally found herself staring at the 10 digits and lost in her thought. 

It’s only three days away from the reunion, Quinn jolted awake from a dream, starring a certain brunette, tangled with harsh memories and wishes she once hid so deeply, again. The image of a crying Rachel wrenched Quinn’s heart, the same way as the last she saw her, three years ago. She had to draw hard breaths to calm her racing heart. That was when she finally admitted to herself, haunted, indeed. 

Without thinking, Quinn grabbed her phone and dialed the already memorized number before rationality came back to her. It rang for a while, echoed with her pounding heart. Her eyes fell on the digital clock, 2:16 am, and she rolled her eyes, cursing her insanity. Just when she was about to hang up the phone, a sleepy voice came through. Quinn was too stunned to speak, or even think, then hang up so quickly. Before she realized, tears were falling. She cried so hard, for the first time in a long while, in the fatal position. 

When she finally gathered herself, she found a text from Rachel. She frowned and opened the text.

“Quinn?” 

That was ten minutes ago. Quinn’s heart was racing again. How come she knew it was her? Santana wouldn’t dare to give her number to her!

“Hi, Rachel. It’s Quinn. But how do you know it was me?” 

The reply was quick. “Hello, Quinn! I got a hunch and then checked the area code.”

“That made sense…Sorry that I woke you up so late…”

“That’s alright. I haven’t slept well lately.”

“Problems?” Quinn frowned.

“Oh, it’s just the glee club thing. You can imagine I cannot be my cheerful self as of late. Plus, it brings back memories…”

“Yeah…I know the feeling.”

“But I’m so glad that you contacted me! How you’ve been? Are you going back to Lima as well?”

Quinn bit her lips, sucked in a long breath and then made the decision.

“Life’s been treating me well. And yes, I am going back.” 

“Great to hear! I would really like to see you again, Quinn!”

“Me too. How have YOU been?”

“Good. Busy but great!”

“Busy is good. That means you are making something, something great.” Quinn hesitantly added. 

“Thank you, Quinn. That’s very nice of you.”

“That’s just the truth.” Quinn couldn’t help but brushed a little. “Alright, superstar, I should let you rest. Broadway’s future relies on your good health.”

“Since when Quinn Fabray got a sweet tongue! Okay…Sweet dreams, Quinn. I look forward seeing you in Lima.”

“Likewise. Night”

The darkness shadowed Quinn’s redden face but the quietness couldn’t silent her pounding. Chatting like an old friend with Rachel felt so surreal for her. She couldn’t believe that she was sort of flirting with Rachel, Rachel Fucking Berry! 

The last thought before Quinn fell asleep was, what have you started, Quinn Fabray!


	2. Chapter 2

“I am such a coward!” Quinn cursed herself internally for the hundredth time. She had been actively avoiding Rachel for the whole day. So much for talking to her and resolving things. The previous short texting was so easy, which resulted into her far underestimating the difficulty of saying anything beyond a “hello” to Rachel.

Without face to face, talking was to an imaginary and familiar figure that your brain created. Seeing Rachel was…different, in so many ways. The now New York styled Rachel Berry, was far from the socially awkward girl favored the animal sweater and short skirts…and breathtaking, which Quinn kept herself. Not just the appearance though. Still energized, still capable of lengthy speech with extensive vocabulary, something Quinn now began to appreciate a little. The most prominent difference, Quinn noticed, was how Rachel laid back was and how she listened carefully to what others said, instead of eagerly hogging the spotlight. Guess she was taught that life was beyond expressing herself, Quinn smirked. Well, or just part of growing up.

That being said, her own maturity decisively hid from her this whole day, especially when Rachel came to her to say hi, accompanied with a nervous smile but eyes shining with excitement, all she could do was an awkward hello then quickly walked to where Santana was. At puck’s house, a frustrated Quinn downed a mouthful of beer, eyes trained on a laughing Rachel talking to animatedly to Tina and Mercedes. She now was not even sure that she smiled back, another mouthful. Feeling her staring, Rachel slightly turned her head to her direction, a little confused, and…timid, upon which Quinn quickly averted her eyes.

“Such a loser!” Santana sat by her, replacing her almost empty beer with a shot, “Drink it up, grow a pair and talk to her!”

“As a medical student, you should very well know that’s impossible!” Quinn huffed, unsurprisingly received life-threatening stares. She almost pouted, before taking the shot.

“So…You and Britt. I saw lots of giggling, whispering.” Quinn raised her right eyebrow, asking the unsaid question, or just deflecting the attention.

Santana squinted at her, “Don’t think I don’t know what you doing, blonde. Mind your own damn business!”

“Yeah, right. Like you mind yours.” Quinn said sarcastically.

“I swear to god, every time I talk to you, I age ten fucking years!” Words not enough to express her frustration, Santana hit the other girl’s arm, earning a rare cursing from the now much more civilized Quinn. “When I told you that I’m over Britt, then it is over. You know why? Because we fucking talked, like fucking adults. That’s how we knew we were no longer the right one for each other. See, the midget is getting her drink, ALONE. Now go! Being a damn adult, talk to her, get a closure!”

Quinn sighed. It’s now or never. She took Santana’s glass and drunk what was left of it, before walking towards kitchen, where Rachel was making her drink. She stood three feet away from the brunette, grabbed a beer from the table, not really in drinking mood but to have something in hand to calm her nerve.

Rachel looked at her then quickly shifted her eyes to the table, uttered “Hi Quinn”. Her hand went to brush some hair behind her ear, a nervous habit Quinn noticed back in high school.

“Hi…” Quinn bit her lower lip, not knowing what to say.

“I…uh…I should find Kurt before he told every embarrassing story of mine.” Still avoiding eye contact, Rachel turned to leave, but was stop by a hand on her wrist. She lifted her head, staring into the freckled hazel eyes that belong to a now one-step-closer blonde.

“Can we talk?” A husky whisper almost lost to the background noise.

Before Rachel could answer, somebody shouted, “Spin the bottle!” No doubt reminded both of a certain memory. The thrill of touching Rachel’s skin was intensified by the said memory. Like being burned, Quinn quickly drop her hand.

Quinn averted her eyes a little to gather herself, before smiling faintly at Rachel, “Maybe, um, maybe we can go outside and get some fresh air?”

Seemed a little stunned, Rachel merely nodded.

Quinn led them to outside through the back door, welcomed by the chilly air. Same place, same people, but so different circumstances. Quinn stared into the dark night, smiled a little, at the seemingly fate. She turned to see Rachel, who stood near her, also eyes afar, deep in thought. So she waited.

Both just wore their dress, without the coat, Rachel sneezed, the spring chilly night started getting to them.

“Hey, um, you didn’t drink tonight, right?” An idea came to Quinn.

“Yeah…”Rachel looked a little surprised that Quinn noticed, “I’m supposed to drive Kurt and Blain home. It’s my turn to be the ‘responsible’ one.”

Quinn smiled at her air quote, more than a little cute. “Can you drive us a little?”

“Sure. But where to?” Rachel frowned, received a shrug.

“Just around the town. I haven’t been back…for a while.”

Rachel nodded, “Let me go get my keys, also tell Kurt to wait for me.”

While she was waiting, Quinn leaned against the rail, closed her eyes and listened to the faint noise from inside. The familiar voices soothed her.

“I hope you don’t mind. I grabbed your coat as well.” Rachel said with a small voice, trying not to startle Quinn.

Quinn thanked her, then the two walked to Rachel’s car.

After three years, Quinn thought everything in Lima would different. Yet, the same old view upon her arrival mocked Quinn’s naivety, just like the well-lit streets looking just like how she remembered.

“So, you haven’t been back for a while, huh?” Rachel broke the silence.

Quinn eyed her, “Yeah. Three years, ever since I left. Apparently not long enough.” She muttered the last part, but still picked up by Rachel.

“What?” Rachel chanced her without eyes leaving the road for long.

Quinn felt slightly embarrassed, “Just a silly thought.” Rachel casted her questioning eyes, so she explained, “When I arrived yesterday, somehow I expected a strange world yet everything stays the same in Lima.”

Rachel laughed a little, “I know exactly what you are saying. The first time I came back from college, I felt the same. It’s us that have changed so much that we expect the world around us. Well, I mean we do live in a different world in New York or New Haven. But it is really just that the small differences of Lima are so pale, compared to how much we have changed.”

Quinn smiled as well, “Well, good point. You are so wise now.”

Rachel thinned her lips, “Hmm, are you insinuating that I was obtuse or that I am old?”

“Oops, busted.” Quinn looked sheepish.

“Never knew Quinn Fabray could be so funny.” Rachel rolled her eyes good-naturedly.

“Hmm, there’s so much you don’t know about me.” Quinn said matter-of-factly, no sign of previous playfulness.

Rachel looked at her briefly, biting her lower lip for a few seconds, then whispered, “I would like to know more.”

Quinn saw something close to determination on Rachel’s face, didn’t comment further.


	3. Chapter 3

“So, how are you? I mean it was an emotional day.” Quinn asked after a moment of silence.

“Sad, of course.” The singer even made a sad face to demonstrate. “The kids in McKinley will no longer be able to have the special experience as we did. Being a part of something special makes you special as well, right? But at the same time, it made me feel a little bit lost. Call me dramatic all you want.” 

“Hey, I didn’t comment.” Quinn put up her hands, indicating innocence.   
“It means that part of my life is officially over. Besides my fathers, every time I came back, I would go see Mr. Schue and sometimes even perform in the Glee club. What we had was once for a lifetime, despite all the dramas and absurdity. Glee was a second home to me. It all stops, today. It will only be a place that I’ve been but never be able revisit.”

“Well, isn’t that life? Letting go of the past and brace the new?”

“True. Still, easy said than done. What about you? You seemed way past the phase of letting go?”

Quinn shrugged, “I suppose. But I’m really glad that I made the trip. It’s an experience I wouldn’t want to miss. Everyone seems different yet so familiar. It turns out that I do miss people’s craziness.” They both laughed at that.

When they passed by a playground, Quinn asked Rachel to stop. It’s time to talk, well, the talk.

After they sat on the swings, Quinn bit her low lip and turned to look at Rachel, who was humming some song lightly, swinging a little.

“Fifteen years ago, I was sitting on another playground, alone, like always.” Quinn breathed out, smiled back at Rachel. “Then, this short little girl…”

“You were not that tall either!” Rachel couldn’t help but interrupt, pouted, before she smiled sheepishly because of the infamous eyebrows. “Sorry, go on.”

Quinn rolled her eyes a little. “Anyway, the point is, you were the first one that was willing to talk and play with me.”

“Well, I wasn’t exactly everyone’s favorite either.” Rachel said bitterly, “At that moment, I saw myself on you. That’s why I wanted so much to make you happy.”

“You did. I still remember that day, I hadn’t been that happy for a long while.” The resurfaced memories brought smile to Quinn’s face, which then dimmed, “I was so excited when I got home. I couldn’t stop talking about you to my parents, my…sister. It must have irritated her so much that she told me that I was hallucinating, that nobody would want to be a fat girl’s friend, before she pushed me away.”

A warm hand covered Quinn’s left hand, “I’m so sorry that you sister treated like that.”

Quinn still stared at the ground; voice quivered a little, “Now I can understand a teenage girl annoyed by the needy little sister. But back then, I screamed at her, that she was wrong, that you existed. Instead, I got scorned by my parents for behaving like a wild child. I wanted so much to prove that she was wrong so I went to that playground next day, and the next, and the next. Waited and waited. But…you never came.”

“Oh god,” Rachel came out of the swing and half kneeled in front of the other girl, “Quinn, I’m so sorry…I…I didn’t…I…” 

Quickly brushed off the escaped tear on her cheek, Quinn lift her head and tried to smile a little to the guilt-ridden brunette, “It’s bygone now.”

“But still, I’m so so sorry! I didn’t know…I was going to but then my fathers didn’t have time, and then school started. I…I didn’t know, Quinn. If I had known, I would’ve had begged my dads to take me to you. Quinn, I…” Chocolate eyes filled with not yet fallen tears.

“Rachel,” Quinn stared into Rachel’s eyes, “I forgive you.” 

There was not one ounce of insincerity in Quinn’s voice. Rachel relaxed, sighed out. “Thank you, Quinn…” 

“Plus, consider the way I treated you, if I couldn’t forgive you for this, you should hate me forever.” Quinn said half-jokingly, trying to light up the mood, even though she did mean it. 

Sat in front of Quinn on the ground, Rachel chuckled, “so that’s what we are doing huh? A tally sheet?”

The blonde tilted her head, pretending thinking, “Sorta, amongst some other things that now I cannot remember because you keep interrupting me.”

“Is that so?” Rachel giggled, placed her chin on her bent-up knees, “I know you are getting old. It’s okay. Take your time.”

Quinn rolled her eyes but didn’t comment on that. “Anyway. That’s just one incident. The main reason that I was all twisted up was my family. I tried so hard to fit into the perfect image, to be this perfect daughter, a perfect Fabray, that I cut off unfitted edges, figuratively and literally.” Rachel’s thumb was drawing small circles on her hand, also smiling encouragingly at her. She cleared her throat, continuing on. “The day I saw you again at McKinley, your nose, the bubbly persona, the golden star metaphor, and in Lima, immediately I knew it was you.” 

She didn’t miss Rachel’s stiff body, or the disappearance of her smile, so she hold Rachel’s now still hand, “Rachel, I’m so sorry that I treated you like that.”

“Why?” Rachel whispered, eyes afar, apparently reliving the burning memory.

Quinn sighed, lowered her head to avoid the girl’s pained face “There will no excuse for what I did to you. But I want you to understand, or at least try to understand, where all came from. I spent years to kill Lucy because I thought she was lonely, pathetic, unlovable, a loser. But you…You made Lucy happy, so happy that she thought it was okay to just be Lucy, that it would be enough. Before that, I never regret burying Lucy. But seeing you again, I panicked, so afraid that what I did was wrong. I…I had to destroy those happy memories that made Lucy enough. Because it was not. Because Lucy was already gone. There only existed Quinn, Quinn Fabray.”

Rachel gripped Quinn’s hand a little to make her look at her, “That’s why you denied you were Lucy? Said it didn’t matter?” Seeing the blonde nodding, Rachel sighed, “I understand now. It does make sense. I forgive you.”

Quinn stared at Rachel with wide eyes, “That’s it? You just forgive me like that? All those years’ slushie and bullying?”

Rachel shrugged, “You had a reason, and apologized, sincerely. Besides, you are different now, unless this new you is all just a fake.”

“You…”Quinn paused for a moment, “You are unbelievable!” With that, she jumped out of the swing, struggled out of Rachel’s hand, and paced around, “It shouldn’t be this easy. You should hate me. Think about it, I slushied you, dozens of times, I called you awful names, I stole your boyfriend…All the awful things I’ve done, I was awful, how can you just forgive me like that?”

A hand placed on the now hard-breathing Quinn’s arm, trying to calm her, “Quinn…are you alright?”

“You shouldn’t just forgive me like that.” Quinn’s shoulder sagged, exhausted from her outburst, “You should hate me.”

“I do not hate you, Quinn.” Rachel stepped forward to face Quinn and lowered her head to catch Quinn’s eyes, said gently, “Tell me, Quinn, what’s wrong?”

“You should hate me. Just like how I hate me. I hate how messed up I was. I hate that I was so scared to be myself. I hate that my only goal was to win others’ approval. I hate that…”Tearful hazel eyes to concerning yet encouraging chocolate eyes, “I hate that I had to deny my feelings. I hate that I had to hate you so that I didn’t have to face my feelings for you.”

Rachel was stunned, speechless.

“There!” Quinn wiped away her tears, smiled sadly, “That’s the story I owed you three years ago.” She walked away, leaving a frozen Rachel behind.

Fortunately, the place was not far from Quinn’s home so she just walked home, never heard from Rachel that night. The next morning Quinn was up early to pack to catch an early flight. She didn’t have much sleep any way. She was surprised that someone kept knocking her door at 6 am, and even more surprised to open to a 5’2” brunette.

“Hi…” Quinn was, again, too surprised to say more. 

The girl was in simple jeans and black tight top, nervously wrenching her hands together. “Mor…morning, Quinn.”

“Morning…” Quinn bit her lip, not sure what to say.

“Three years ago, I asked you a question. Your story was only half the answer. All my high school, I had been wondering what those feelings were that clouded your eyes but never figured out. Now I know. But the kiss three years ago made me wonder for the first time why I was drawn to you. Before I figured out, you disappeared. Last night, when I started to know you, you disappeared, again! It is so unfair that you never granted me the chance to solve the puzzle named Quinn Fabray.”

The accused girl had the decency to look guilty, “I thought you would never want to see me or talk to me again.”

“And when you will start to learn to wait for my point of view of my thoughts?” The short girl defiantly lifted her chin.

Embarrassed, Quinn said weakly, “So, what are you suggesting?”

“How about letting me make sure one thing first?” 

After Quinn dumbly nodded, she stood on her toes, hands on Quinn’s cheeks, and kissed her. After a few seconds’ shell shock, Quinn started to respond, half-mindedly wondering if she was in dream.

When they finally parted, the now brushing furiously singer whispered, “So it is indeed firework that I saw.”

“What does it mean?” The other girl was still a little dazzled.

“It means we should start anew.” The 5’2” girl grinned.


End file.
